The supermodel dared to ask the questions that count ? about sport, mostly
Modesty obviously precludes Lost in Showbiz from suggesting that it exerts a vast and unshakeable influence over the world of media, that editors first hang, then act upon its every word. Instead, it chooses simply to draw your attention to events that have unfolded since it suggested that, in journalism, as in every other walk of life, if you want a job doing properly, you should strongly consider the benefits of getting a celebrity to do it.
It is proud to see some of the writers it highlighted going from strength to strength. Examination of Michael Winner's Twitter feed reveals he has continued his dauntless struggle to bring readers of the Sunday Times the kind of scalding exclusives lesser hacks can only dream of. With readers still trembling from the combination of excitement and indignance wrought by his expose of Nigel Whittaker's incompetent installation of the flooding degasser unit on his indoor swimming pool, Winner now has the big guns of social media in his crosshairs, following an incident in which he was unable to tweet for 12 hours.
Presumably moving fast to quell the tidal wave of spontaneous public protest, rioting etc, that swept the country following the news, Winner announced that his own brand of justice would be meted out. "Whoever runs Twitter, I'll find out and name them in the Sunday Times," he wrote. "Wot wankers." LiS can only boggle at his fortitude and resolve. It has long prayed for someone, anyone, to penetrate the wall of secrecy behind which these masters of disguise hide, secreting themselves under the baffling company name Twitter Inc, only allowing journalists to visit their inconspicuous 63,000 sq ft San Francisco offices in order to attend gigs staged there by Kanye West and Snoop Dogg, write extensive profile pieces on the co-founders and CEO, describe the interior design in meticulous detail up to and including the quantity of recycled fly ash in the concrete conference table (40%) etc etc.
Elsewhere, LiS is delighted to find that its campaign to see all journalists replaced by celebrities by the year 2016 is gathering speed and support. Friends, introduce yourself to the world's leading international affairs reporter: Naomi Campbell. Nay, stare not in that mocking manner, lest someone smash you over the head with a BlackBerry in an uncontrollable rage. Instead direct your gaze to her new interview with Russian premier Vladimir Putin ? quite the model himself, as anyone who's seen those photos of him topless and feeding a horse will tell you. LiS believes that look with which he fixes the camera is what Tyra Banks on America's Next Top Model would call "fierce eyes".
Perhaps that's why Campbell feels able to put all those Russian journalists critical of the Putin regime who've been mysteriously murdered out of her mind, and boldly asks the question everyone has been too cowed to ask of a man variously accused of taking cronyism and corruption to hitherto-unknown levels; running what one analyst has called a fundamentally undemocratic "assassination-happy state" in which torture, detention and murder are used to silence opponents; collaborating with organised criminals, and so on: "How do you manage to keep yourself so fit?" Having inadvertently established that Putin contrives to sound profoundly menacing even when detailing his fitness regime ("I swim daily," he says, "and from time to time I meet with friends and do extracurricular stuff", a phrase LiS somehow imagines him intoning darkly while dragging his forefinger across his throat), an interrogation so pitiless even the toughest FSB man might balk continues: why does he prefer to use the butterfly stroke when swimming?
Perhaps understandably, under this journalistic mauling, the carapace cracks and disturbing facts are revealed. In fairness, Putin isn't the first public figure to confess a love of bare-knuckle boxing; there was Alan Partridge ("two men fighting as I saw in the barn that night, naked as the day they were born and fighting the way God intended"). But not even the holder of the fourth-best slot on BBC Radio Norwich went in for female bare-knuckle boxing. "Not big women," clarifies Putin, for the benefit of anyone who thought he might enjoying watching overweight ladies pummel each other with their fists and thus draw the conclusion that he's deeply weird. "Just strong women."
Already weakened slightly by Campbell's answer to this revelation ? "I'd like to see that" ? LiS found its mind wandering to the image of our own prime minister expounding on his interest in female bare-knuckle boxing, which caused it to faint. Upon reviving, it began considering the possibilities for the future this incredible feature suggests. Send Agyness Deyn to Iran and see if she can't winkle out some details of Ahmadinejad's workout programme! Let's book Alexa Chung's ticket to North Korea now! Frankly, if LiS were Jeremy Paxman, it would spend a little less time sending out emails moaning about senior management at the BBC and a little more time looking over its shoulder.
Poppy Montgomery Evangeline Lilly Lisa Marie Keira Knightley Monica Keena
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