Louis Walsh's latest creation are the blandest committee-driven drivel we've heard in ages. Jedward are a joy in comparison
Hometown: London.
The lineup: Sharon Condon, Corrina Durran, Jodi Albert, Kasey Smith, Leigh Learmont.
The background: We had this strange, almost surreal day yesterday spent listening to Wonderland and Wu Lyf, because we were doing the former for today's New Band and writing a feature on the latter for publication later this week. And even though the two acts in question are poles apart, one sounding like the Corrs revisited and the other like Tom Waits singing early Happy Mondays, they actually share more than the same first letter. They have both been accused of being puppets of their respective "svengalis". Wu Lyf were recently "exposed" for having accrued their reputation as Britain's most mysterious new band with the help of a successful advertising agency, while nobody would argue that Wonderland were a tactical creation because Louis Walsh and Westlife's Kian Egan turned the whole process of their discovery and formation into a reality TV show.
Funnily enough, we don't have a problem with the manipulation of musicians to the point where they can be marketed as a commodity, because it can sometimes mean that ideas are involved, and "ideas"-led pop groups can be fantastic. Nor do we have a problem per se with pop groups put together for TV. What does irk us, however, is the paucity of imagination employed in the execution of this particular "idea", which is too potent and loaded a word for this uninspired venture, from the name ? which apparently took the girls 18 months to come up with ? to their music, which was assembled by teams of experts but has none of the thrilling robo precision of, say, Xenomania's productions for Girls Aloud.
They're a group of girls but they're not a girl group, a term that has been debased as egregiously these last few years as "(boy) band". This isn't pop, it's adult-contemporary, with a capital DULL. Put it this way: we prefer what Walsh is doing with Jedward. Radio 2 has put their new single, Starlight, on its A-list so reports that the station had supplanted Radio 1 as the home of hip can now be confidently dismissed. Wonderland, who have reputedly signed a six-album deal with Mercury, make Lady Antebellum look like Lady Gaga: this is the blandest, most committee-driven pabulum we've heard in a while. According to their press release, their debut album saw them "working with" ? a euphemism for "totally at the artistic mercy of" ? such heavyweights as Shep Solomon, Steve Power, Steve Robson, Bob Clearmountain and Mark Owen. What, the Mark Owen from Take That? Oh, makes sense. But is that the Bob Clearmountain, who worked on Chic's Risque aka the Greatest Album Ever Made? Well, it could be another Bob Clearmountain ...
We are informed, proudly, that Wonderland feature no fewer than five vocalists, each capable of soaring or sighing at will. Mostly, these five Irish/English Colleens sound like they're in a state of airbrushed panic, those voices applied to generic ballads and approximations of wild-eyed female AOR. We're not being Moby-ishly snobby, dismissing anything constructed by studio professionals as, by definition, soulless, not "real" music. On the contrary, it's all too real. We wish this slick version of Americana lite was more machine-like and remote controlled, whether it's the Robbie-ish ballad with the strings dropped on from a great height, or Get Your Boots On, which turns into Scissor Sisters' I Can't Decide halfway through. As for the cover of Adele's Rolling in the Deep, it is at best utterly pointless. Still, only five albums to go.
The buzz: "They're set for world domination!" ? ITV's This Morning.
The truth: They're touring with Olly Murs, who's like Norman Wisdom without the pathos, or raw musical talent. Nuff said.
Most likely to: Go mad (clue: there are five of them).
Least likely to: Go tell fire to the mountain.
What to buy: The self-titled debut album is released today by Mercury, as is the single Starlight.
File next to: The Corrs, Adele, Lady Antebellum, Shakespears Sister.
Links: wonderlandofficial.com.
Tuesday's new band: Givers.
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